Tonight, I folded the laundry put my clothes and my son's clothes in the basket, and left my husband's clothes in the basement. I carried the basket upstairs and will put them away in the morning. My husband's clothes will stay in the basement.
You see, my husband is a good man, but he is not good at putting his clothes away. He has use of sixty percent of our closet space plus one and a half dressers, yet our bedroom floor and one dresser top is currently littered with his clothes. A mix of clean and dirty, which not only makes it frustrating to find space to put clean clothes, it also makes it difficult to collect the dirty ones to wash them. Although a little anger or spite may sneak up for a minute or two I am choosing to remain matter-of-fact in this new tactic. I'm a little annoyed that my efforts are taken for granted in this but I'm also not very stubborn. Actually I'm not even a little stubborn.
I've tried other methods. Nagging, silence, surrender. I stopped putting his clothes in the drawers years ago. For awhile I pushed any clothes on the floor under the bed just so I wouldn't have to look at them. But eventually, when we needed to pack to go away he pulled them out, I washed them and we went back to the usual routine. In addition to no longer bringing up his clothes I plan on getting a tall wardrobe with doors where I will put a basket inside and he can put all his clothes in there. Then the doors can be shut and what I don't know won't irk me.
Like I said earlier, my husband is a good man. He's hard-working, gentle, kind-hearted, and funny. He is not good at putting garbage bags back after the bins are emptied, or sharing the housework. When we married the agreement was that I would do the laundry, he would do the garbage and recycling and we would share the rest. The first of many agreements unfulfilled (ahem, dog training). So I'm taking a stand on this one. His clothes will remain on the dryer, as long as my willpower lasts. Though maybe I'm a sucker, I still folded them.
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Saturday, 3 September 2011
I Miss Sleep
I never intended to have a child who didn't sleep through the night. It may seem an odd thing to say, but often people make me feel like it was my choice, or my fault. I'm sure they don't mean to. Being a parent is not an easy task and we are very good at feeling guilty about our imperfections.
Some will try to help by advising a version of the "cry-it-out" method but it goes against my conscience and heart. Unless I am overwhelmed with exhaustion or frustration I can't bear to leave him crying, even then I don't last very long. I don't let my son cry if he needs me (even if it's just for comfort) during the day so why would I do it during the night?
I'm not saying that those who do are bad parents. I believe that if it's not abuse each family must decide how to run their family. I don't think a child should be "punished" for waking in the night, but I do agree that boundaries should be established. How each family does that is up to them.
My son is now 18 months old and I'm considering pushing him toward independent sleep a bit harder, but I'm still wrestling with the specifics. He is naturally a very physically affectionate kid. We have not practiced co-sleeping in the past, yet recently I have brought him into our bed if he wakes just a half hour/ hour early and he will quickly and quietly nod off, often sleeping in! Yet if I make him stay in his room, even if I coax him back to sleep in my arms, he'll wake again 15 minutes later. It seems the harder I push the worse he sleeps.
I envy those with children who sleep well, and through the night. Maybe it's their technique, maybe I was too cuddly, maybe I like holding babies too much. Or maybe it's just an individual thing like a personality trait. I've always taken at least 1/2 hour to get to from pillow to sleep and I now struggle with insomnia. I also have a few nephews that struggle with sleep as well, so maybe it's genetic.
Whatever it is, I guess I'm stuck with sleep deprivation for awhile yet. For those of you with good sleepers, count your blessings. To all the other bleary-eyed parents who dream about sleep, take heart you are not alone. You are not a bad parent, you are not failing your child, he/she/they will sleep on their own and in their own beds at least by 16. And thank God for coffee!
Some will try to help by advising a version of the "cry-it-out" method but it goes against my conscience and heart. Unless I am overwhelmed with exhaustion or frustration I can't bear to leave him crying, even then I don't last very long. I don't let my son cry if he needs me (even if it's just for comfort) during the day so why would I do it during the night?
I'm not saying that those who do are bad parents. I believe that if it's not abuse each family must decide how to run their family. I don't think a child should be "punished" for waking in the night, but I do agree that boundaries should be established. How each family does that is up to them.
My son is now 18 months old and I'm considering pushing him toward independent sleep a bit harder, but I'm still wrestling with the specifics. He is naturally a very physically affectionate kid. We have not practiced co-sleeping in the past, yet recently I have brought him into our bed if he wakes just a half hour/ hour early and he will quickly and quietly nod off, often sleeping in! Yet if I make him stay in his room, even if I coax him back to sleep in my arms, he'll wake again 15 minutes later. It seems the harder I push the worse he sleeps.
I envy those with children who sleep well, and through the night. Maybe it's their technique, maybe I was too cuddly, maybe I like holding babies too much. Or maybe it's just an individual thing like a personality trait. I've always taken at least 1/2 hour to get to from pillow to sleep and I now struggle with insomnia. I also have a few nephews that struggle with sleep as well, so maybe it's genetic.
Whatever it is, I guess I'm stuck with sleep deprivation for awhile yet. For those of you with good sleepers, count your blessings. To all the other bleary-eyed parents who dream about sleep, take heart you are not alone. You are not a bad parent, you are not failing your child, he/she/they will sleep on their own and in their own beds at least by 16. And thank God for coffee!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)