My goal this week is to be in bed by 9 pm. So far it's Tuesday night at 11 pm and instead of sleeping I'm blogging. (At least I'm meeting my goal to blog more often.) I'm a mother of two under three with a self-employed husband who owns a pool installation company and it's the middle of July. No, I'm not crazy, but I am so tired that I have fallen asleep before hitting "Send" on more than a few texts.
(Once I fell asleep with my thumb on the screen so long that it went into rearrange and delete mode. I rearranged some icons but I'm not sure if I deleted any. (How should I know, I was asleep!) So tired my memory has gaps in it of recent events. So tired that my husband had an entire conversation with me about going to the store to look at flooring that I was asleep for. I don't even talk in my sleep, but I woke up a little annoyed he had gone without me since he knew I wanted to be there for the colour choice. Good thing I remembered to believe the best in him and not get angry.)
All this brings me to the question how does a mother get more sleep without hiring a nanny?
We can't afford a nanny. We can't even afford a dog walker. Like most people we have to do things ourselves, including sleep. Tonight I had to choose between sleep and sanity. My living/dining room has been a disaster for weeks, and worsened on the weekend. Many people will say disaster when they really mean a few dishes were left on the coffee table and a pair of shoes on the floor, but I mean disaster. Half of the furniture was strewn about the middle of the room. Boxes of the kitchen junk drawer (emptied over a month ago so I could sort it) and several dining table clearing sweeps sit on the couch. Toys are everywhere, the front entryway consists of a couple pieces of 1/4" plywood that is not screwed down, and there is drywall dust, sand, dog fur all over the floor. Hopefully you're getting the awful picture because I didn't take one. Instead I tidied and swept, tidied and swept, moved furniture then swept some more (labs shed a lot).
Some of you may be wondering how I am physically able to do this when I've been on the couch for the past 9 weeks with a bad sciatica flare up. I'm so happy to say I'm walking again! Looking after my own kids again, even loading my own dishwasher! More on all that another time. Back to me hard at work.
Did I mention it's been the hottest day of the year so far? So here I am sweating and probably pushing my weakened, and still not completely better, muscles too far; definitely missing out on desperately needed sleep (see above), and what did I end up with? A room I can breath and relax in. It still has far to go (hopefully we'll get that floor in this weekend) but there are actually clean and clear spaces in it!
Yes I will be even more tired tomorrow - perhaps I should leave the operating of vehicles and heavy machinery to others - and yet I feel good. My body is sore but my mind is clear. And now my eyelids are heavy. Thankfully there is the morning shower and hot, black coffee. Too bad I don't have a chef or housekeeper either.
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Only a Season
(December 2011) So I haven't written in a while. It's been the Christmas season which, is of course rather busy but that's the way I like it. Lots of family, friends and food. And for me, being pregnant at Christmas gives me extra excitement, though I'm not sure why. Maybe I relate to Mary a bit more, feel more connected to the reason we celebrate. This season is full of joy, yet lately I've been feeling completely overwhelmed by life.
Don't misunderstand me, I love my family and many aspects of my life. I'm happy to have pets and kids and an artsy, intelligent, blue-collar husband who owns a small business with a little house, a baby on the way and some part-time work to stimulate my non-mom brain cells. But as any mother knows just because life is good doesn't mean it's easy. (And yes I said "mother". It's true there are some fathers who are very involved, but the majority of household responsibilities tends to fall on the mothers. Not because the fathers care less, it's just how we're wired. Generally speaking women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by their work.- Perhaps I'll write more on that later.) So I'm facing the question, "How do I find/create the life balance that works for us?"
Although I love formulas, I don't believe they apply to the majority of real life situations. Jane and Michael down the street may be happiest if they both get regular gym time, work full-time and use babysitters regularly to keep up a lively social life. While David and Sally prefer the 50s style of David working full-time but being home by 5 and Sally running the house. Each family is unique, so what works for us?
Usually I start with a list. (I love lists!) What are the components we need:
- family time
- couple time
- personal time
- exercise
- hobbies/ side jobs (music & art)
- dog walking
- house cleaning
- meal prep
- groceries.
...
At this point I start to get bored. My mind begins to wander and my heart becomes overwhelmed. How do we fit all this in? Then I remember, my husband doesn't like formulas, so he'll have a hard time following any that I come up with anyway. Plus, I'm not comfortable with a dictator role in our marriage, and chances are that once I figure out something that works life will change again. Thus I'm trying to embrace my inner free-spirit (it's in here somewhere) and go with the flow. Establish priorities then set some boundaries on the items that end up at the bottom of the list, and remember that everything in life is only for a season. So I'm trying to enjoy what I can from each moment.
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a timet to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:3-8 NIV
Don't misunderstand me, I love my family and many aspects of my life. I'm happy to have pets and kids and an artsy, intelligent, blue-collar husband who owns a small business with a little house, a baby on the way and some part-time work to stimulate my non-mom brain cells. But as any mother knows just because life is good doesn't mean it's easy. (And yes I said "mother". It's true there are some fathers who are very involved, but the majority of household responsibilities tends to fall on the mothers. Not because the fathers care less, it's just how we're wired. Generally speaking women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by their work.- Perhaps I'll write more on that later.) So I'm facing the question, "How do I find/create the life balance that works for us?"
Although I love formulas, I don't believe they apply to the majority of real life situations. Jane and Michael down the street may be happiest if they both get regular gym time, work full-time and use babysitters regularly to keep up a lively social life. While David and Sally prefer the 50s style of David working full-time but being home by 5 and Sally running the house. Each family is unique, so what works for us?
Usually I start with a list. (I love lists!) What are the components we need:
- family time
- couple time
- personal time
- exercise
- hobbies/ side jobs (music & art)
- dog walking
- house cleaning
- meal prep
- groceries.
...
At this point I start to get bored. My mind begins to wander and my heart becomes overwhelmed. How do we fit all this in? Then I remember, my husband doesn't like formulas, so he'll have a hard time following any that I come up with anyway. Plus, I'm not comfortable with a dictator role in our marriage, and chances are that once I figure out something that works life will change again. Thus I'm trying to embrace my inner free-spirit (it's in here somewhere) and go with the flow. Establish priorities then set some boundaries on the items that end up at the bottom of the list, and remember that everything in life is only for a season. So I'm trying to enjoy what I can from each moment.
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a timet to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:3-8 NIV
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Life Beyond One
(written fall 2011) Lately I've been thinking about what life might be like if we had more than one child, and the concluding thought is I'm not so sure I could handle it. Oh sure, I would manage somehow, I would "survive", so would the children (and hopefully the husband) but I would rather figure out a way to "thrive".
I don't want to give in to my natural hermit tendency or make myself crazy trying to live up to someone else's schedule. As I've mentioned before, it took me awhile to adjust to motherhood. Even though I enjoy being Griffin's mom, I imagine I will still need time to adjust to being mom of Griffin plus one.
To top off these fears, I was officially a "bad parent" today and I lost my child. It was at a church potluck and I was there sans husband. I am not yet co-ordinated enough to simultaneously hold a toddler and gather a plate of food, nor did I have duct tape or bungee cords to strap him down in one spot with. So I used my hands to get the food and my eyes to watch my son. Of course it's difficult to get food from various pots with various serving utensils without looking at my plate from time to time. And being a toddler (although a more accurate name would be runner, since the actual toddling phase is quite short-lived) Griffin does not stay in one spot for very long. At first he amused himself nearby, but quickly bored of that and bounced his way towards the far end of the room. I managed to keep an eye on his little legs between the many people filling the room until one point, I think it was the caesar salad, when I could no longer see his almost bald head, or little blue crocs. Knowing that he had two hallways, three sets of doors and one set of stairs to maneuver before he reached the parking lot I thought I had time to grab a spoonful from the last few selections. Apparently he can run a lot faster than I realized because in what felt like seconds the Sunday School attendance taker had found him, outside, alone, and brought him back to me. I felt like I should go home right then to sit in my room and think about what I'd just done. Fortunately nothing bad happened, and those who had seen my error were nice about it, but I just wonder how I would manage if I had two to worry about.
My sister and her husband joke (half-joke) that two kids were easy but with three you are out-numbered, even when both parents are present there are only two of you and three of them. Then there is my granna who apparently quipped, "One child takes up all your time so how much more time can 5 take up?" I'm not the type who makes decisions before I get 'there' (and much to my husband's frustration, if I'm in the drive-thru even when I do get there I still don't make a decision) so I'm not going to decide right now, how many kids our family will have. Maybe we'll wait to see if we can survive two first.
To top off these fears, I was officially a "bad parent" today and I lost my child. It was at a church potluck and I was there sans husband. I am not yet co-ordinated enough to simultaneously hold a toddler and gather a plate of food, nor did I have duct tape or bungee cords to strap him down in one spot with. So I used my hands to get the food and my eyes to watch my son. Of course it's difficult to get food from various pots with various serving utensils without looking at my plate from time to time. And being a toddler (although a more accurate name would be runner, since the actual toddling phase is quite short-lived) Griffin does not stay in one spot for very long. At first he amused himself nearby, but quickly bored of that and bounced his way towards the far end of the room. I managed to keep an eye on his little legs between the many people filling the room until one point, I think it was the caesar salad, when I could no longer see his almost bald head, or little blue crocs. Knowing that he had two hallways, three sets of doors and one set of stairs to maneuver before he reached the parking lot I thought I had time to grab a spoonful from the last few selections. Apparently he can run a lot faster than I realized because in what felt like seconds the Sunday School attendance taker had found him, outside, alone, and brought him back to me. I felt like I should go home right then to sit in my room and think about what I'd just done. Fortunately nothing bad happened, and those who had seen my error were nice about it, but I just wonder how I would manage if I had two to worry about.
My sister and her husband joke (half-joke) that two kids were easy but with three you are out-numbered, even when both parents are present there are only two of you and three of them. Then there is my granna who apparently quipped, "One child takes up all your time so how much more time can 5 take up?" I'm not the type who makes decisions before I get 'there' (and much to my husband's frustration, if I'm in the drive-thru even when I do get there I still don't make a decision) so I'm not going to decide right now, how many kids our family will have. Maybe we'll wait to see if we can survive two first.
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