Love Never Gives Up

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I've been choosing to focus what little energies I have on my family instead of writing. But I feel an urgent need to reach out to any of you reading. Our world is so full of misery and divorce and I believe that marriage is intended to be something wonderful.

It's NOT easy, but it can be good. Just like raising kids isn't easy, but it's good. Friendships aren't always easy, but they can be good. I worry that our society has lost the skills, knowledge and resiliency to keep marriages alive. I'm not knocking those who's marriages have ended. I don't know your story and I'm not passing judgement. I just want to somehow encourage those who are still in a marriage to keep pressing on. It seems so rare to find examples of marriages that last, real-life ones or even fictional!
And I know too many marriages that may be in a lonely, or feeling hopeless state (I've been there too) I want to save them from crumbling.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT

This is a great verse, often quoted, but how often do we actually DO it? I'm learning new depths to this verse, and new ways to put it into practice almost every day. Am I always patient and kind? Am I not jealous of the seeming alone time, relax time, sleep-in time, or time to enjoy his hobbies? Do I keep my comments to myself if I seem to excel in an area he struggles, and am I careful not to offend even if I think he's being too sensitive? Do I make demands but no allowances? Am I irritable? (And before first coffee is not an adequate excuse.) Do I focus on the current issue instead of dragging up past history? Am I grateful for truth even if it means my faults end up in the spotlight? And do I always believe in his good intentions, even if his actions don't always show it very well? Do I keep my faith alive? Do I remain confidently hopeful that we will make it to the other side of whatever situation we're currently in? Not easy, but very very good.

So I'm asking any of you who have a story from within your marriage that tells of perseverance, of enduring hope. Our stories are not complete and I'm sure we will all face obstacles in the future, but right now if you have an encouraging story to share please do. If you don't think you do, try writing your story in the third person. It's amazing the heroes and heroines that emerge in our own lives when we step back and imagine our life as if it was someone else's.

(Feel free to post anonymously or send me an email with your story and I'll post it in third person for you. gunter.ell@gmail.com)

Looking forward to cheering each other on together!

Simply Mom

With all our modern conveniences, I think the world (at least the part of the world I live) has managed to make life more complicated.

We've invented millions of devices to make our lives faster with the aim of giving us more time to relax yet we just use them to pack more "stuff" into our days. We seem to have less time 'off' because any spare moment we do have is filled with checking texts, emails, facebook, twitter, etc. And even the idea of time off from a paid work position has become so... short and rare in today's society. (Well, North American society. I've heard that the developed European countries are better at honouring time away from work. Like the saying goes, they 'work to live, not live to work'.) How many of us work 6, sometimes 7 days a week, without ever really being off because we're checking emails? And how often is a first introduction followed by the question, "So what do you do?" As if our job is our identity. For most of us I suppose it is.

I've been trying to simplify my life and focus on my current priority, which is my young family. So I've said no to some volunteer opportunities. I've made peace with spending more time at home instead of dragging my kids around to different errands and outings. I've even noticed that I've stopped posting pictures and status updates on facebook because I was feeling pressure to be telling everyone what I was doing, how my family is, instead of just doing it, and enjoying the moments myself. (Interestingly, we are so used to fb being an instant forum that when I was posting pictures late, I found even close family members assuming I was there right now. ) But that's just regarding technology.

Even psychology and sociology, with all the deeper understanding it's provided about personalities, temperaments, human responses, mental and emotional processing, etc. in some ways it's made life more difficult. Instead of just giving us information to help us make better choices, and be more understanding of others, it's given us so much that it's easy to feel burdened by the responsibility to know everything and make "perfect" choices. I'm not even going to get into the pressures of choosing the right career.

Take parenting, for example; in years past parents raised their kids however they saw fit in that moment. Sure they made some mistakes, but for the most part they probably didn't dwell on it. Until someone wrote a book years later about how they did such and such so wrong and messed up their kid. Even the kids probably accepted their parents actions with a more "that's just the way life is" attitude, until someone suggested they'd been wronged. Of course there are benefits. Beating your children with a belt everyday is not a parenting strategy I endorse, but creating boundaries with consequences for our children is one I do. It's part of teaching them how the world works. If you jump off the couch you will fall to the ground. If you take away your little brother's toys, your toys will be taken away from you. If you are nice to your brother, when he is bigger he won't take your toys away from you. If you chase the cat, the cat will scratch you. If you are gentle with the cat, she will stay and let you pet her.

So today, as I was sweeping the floor this morning I found myself thinking, "I'm a good mom." Then immediately felt guilty for it! Why?! I'm not suggesting I'm better than anyone else, or that I don't have room to grow. Which got me thinking about the negative side effects of our pursuit of knowledge. I guess the pressure to be confident yet humble, to be sure of your decisions yet tolerant of others', to be socially acceptable in every thought, word and deed is too much.

(And really, I think we often forget the true definitions of words like confidence, humility, and tolerance, but I digress.)

Our world has many good things, and good people in it, but it's not all good. Not everything that has become socially acceptable is actually beneficial. How do we avoid being weighed down instead of liberated by all societies advances? I'm still working on it but I suggest that we simplify and let life just be, more often. Instead of worrying that today's lunch doesn't have all four food groups, or wondering if being angry when we gave the third time out in 3 hours will damage our child's spirit, or feeling guilty that we would sometimes rather sleep than have a date night with our spouse, or anxious that we have managed a break from our toddler with maximum efficiency, we accept that we are not perfect.

We don't have to have it all together all the time. We do need to focus on the good. And although we aren't perfect, we are perfectly matched for our life. Our weaknesses can become strengths, our imperfections can get better. God is the bringer of ALL good, and He is able to bring ALL the good out of us, into the world that surrounds us. So say it with me, "I am a good mom." (and don't feel the least bit guilty.)

For I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.             Psalm 139:14 NIV

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he as done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can undersatnd. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ...Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are worthy of praise.                     Philippians 4:6-7,8b NLT

And I am sure that God who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.                              Philippians 1:6 NLT

Eew!

We mothers have strong stomachs. We have to.

The messes we have to clean up, and live with, literally ON us - half chewed food, smooshed bananas, spit up, boogers, etc. - can weaken iron bellies with a mere mention.

Kids can be kinda gross.

Pets can be even grosser.

What's worse than cleaning up puke? Cleaning up poop-puke.

That's right. Our dog ate some animal's poop in the woods, then proceeded to puke it up all over our old, not well-sealed, wooden floors. Eew!

So what's the worst thing mess you've ever faced?

Or what's your best remedy for cleaning old wood floors?

Once-a-week Cooking (part 1)

In my attempt to better organize and simplify our family life I'm jumping on the "cook-once-a-week" bandwagon. 

I like cooking. Some crazy days it even helps my sanity to get a little alone time (and by alone, I mean focused on food but with kids "helping" or nearby). However I would like more time free to just play with my kids and cooking takes away from that. I'm not a super planner so this will not come easy to me. I also get overwhelmed by decision making and I've already needed a third coffee to clarify my thoughts just to narrow down the meals for this week. But I'm committed, and I'll share my process with you, whether it's a success or failure!

If I reference any recipes from other bloggers or Pinterest I will do my best to provide the direct links back to the original sources.

My general food philosophy is "diets" don't work because they aren't sustainable. Unless you have a specific goal and need something more extreme to jump start the process. Instead adopt (and I'm always adapting it according to the nutrition tips I hear) a sustainable long term food plan for yourself. Mine is to try to eat healthy as much as possible paying attention to the four food groups, and everything else in moderation. I've always tried to avoid processed foods when possible, and I'm now trying to incorporate fish at least 1-2 times a week (though I find it hard living in-land because I know it's not really fresh), vegetarian 1-2 times a week, and I'm trying to cut back on the amount of meat overall. 

(Why? I fear our society has moved too far away from a positive and balanced relationship with our food, and we overindulge in too many ways, but including meat consumption. Plus, my husband and I don't like how the mass-farmed animals are treated or when hormones are added to our foods. I'm hoping to visit some local farms this spring to find a few with whom we agree with their farming practices and where we can buy direct.) 

One of the habits I'm trying to break is over-buying. Instead of purchasing what we need for one or two weeks, I just buy a bunch of stuff to keep on hand "in case", and end up with duplicates or items that sit on my shelves for months before being used. We have a very tiny kitchen making every shelf premium space. So, looking ahead to my meals this week I will use what I have already.

I'm sure my plan will change throughout this process and rather than bore you with each detail along the way, I'll post again after the first week to share what actually happened.