New Life in Old Skin

Day Four - Oops, I've already skipped and it was only Day Three, maybe not a very good sign. Alas I am not bothered because I am choosing to embrace the wise old saying, "I y'am what I y'am."

I once read a book that described a older woman who was asked by a genie of sorts what age she would be if she could pick any age at all, and she picked 30. Her reasoning was that she was young enough to have a full, active life ahead but old enough to be wise, comfortable and confident in her own skin. At least I think I read it in a book, I can't remember the book, so it's possible I dreamed this all myself. Either way it's stuck with me over the years and I anticipated 30 as my coming into my own. 

Then thirty came. And went. And I was still struggling with familiar insecurities, fears, worries and regrets. But maybe thirty was the beginning of a new stage in the process. 

In the past two, almost three, years I have grown more confident, more bold, more willing to take risks (the important kind, not the young-hearted I'm-invincible-let's-go-skydiving kind). I've been challenging myself to stop waiting for the perfect opportunities, and start making "good-enough" ones. Like making play dates with moms I don't know that well; making more concrete designs to start some sort of handmade art business (that's not vague and open-ended and unknown at all - ha. ha.), and even writing a blog. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, it just matters that I'm putting myself out there by writing it. It reminds me that I have a life worth sharing with others. 

Of course this is something I have believed intellectually for years, but I have allowed myself to be bullied by those negative gutter-dwelling thoughts. Those lies that do not come from my Creator. God made me Himself. Each passion, each good part, even the ones that the current culture and I think are less than perfect. So I've been daring myself to trust Him as the protector of my dreams, my heart, my life. As I let go of control, I seem to be finding the way back to myself; back to who I always was. Someone who laughs easily; who extends a hand in friendship just in case it may be returned; who draws and creates because she loves to; and who loves deeply, soft-heartedly. This is someone I could get used to. 

I'm really going to enjoy being me.

(And yes, I actually like spinach.)

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14