Task Master

I'm horrible at blogging regularly. Even after I make promises to myself. Even after I acknowledge what a procrastinator and easily-distracted-non-finisher I am. 

Overall I am a responsible person. Those who don't live with me, would even say I'm organized and focused. And I am, at non-home stuff. There is just so much to remember and do at home, with constant interruptions. I am certainly a master (madam?) list-maker. (Somedays I even make plans to cry.) I have grand and noble intentions. I regularly start projects only to see something else halfway through, so I leave one to just quickly do another then I forget what I had originally started.

I think "cry" was maybe the one thing I actually did that day. 

Today I have many things to accomplish. (It is Christmas season afterall.) We have friends over tonight, Christmas gift making/ baking/ cooking/ wrapping to be done, family Christmas this-weekend away to pack for, and all other normal daily stuff like meals, potty training, babies, kids, dogs, etc. 

But I will be fierce and ruthless. I will pick one. One mission today, should I choose to accept it - fold the mountains of laundry.

(Now I have to run because one of the two should-be-sleeping children, is awake.)

So this is my blog today. It's short. There's not much to it, but I'm actually blogging. Practice makes perfect right?

What sort of things help you follow through on your to do lists?

Bad Day, Brilliant Dinner

Today was one of "those" days. Things were going well...until the beloved, anticipated, and dreaded afternoon nap.

I woke rather groggy and grumpy from normal mother sleep deprivation (a mother's work never being done kept me up until 11 pm), but a couple coffees, and two agreeable independent children later, and we were doing splendid. Morning nap for the baby wasn't "easy" but it went alright. Morning play time with the toddler was fine, I even got some cleaning done at the same time! Then Nap Time, with capitals N and T, arrived.

That wonderful time of day where children are supposed to close their little eyes, staying silent and still in their little beds for an extended period of time. Our toddler is in a pretty good routine these days. He usually goes to sleep well and I can count on minimum an hour and a half, occasionally even up to three hours. The baby is six and a half months and would naturally probably sleep two to three hours in his morning nap then have one or two shorter ones later on, but that would leave us trapped at home ALL day and me constantly juggling one sleeper. I can't do that. I need my alone time. I'm a mom, and a sleep-deprived introvert still recovering from a back injury. I NEED my alone time.

Instead the baby napped while a nursed him, then didn't like how I transferred him into his crib and refused to go back to sleep.

It really is futile arguing with a baby. They don't listen to reason, are unmoved by emotion, resistant to tears or begging. I tried anyway. I had already forgotten my "Acceptance = Success" wisdom from this morning. I knew I should give in but I was sooo tired I couldn't let go of the possibility that he would sleep in his crib and I would be by myself. So we fought for almost two hours, then I caved.

We came downstairs, I found a toy he didn't cry with and buried my crying eyes in a pillow. I even managed to relax for maybe ten minutes before our toddler woke up.

The rest of the afternoon was okay. I tried driving to the store hoping baby would catch a few winks - he didn't. Apparently cloudy skies are far too interesting.

I even thought bedtime would be easy since he was so tired. (Seriously, what six month old stays awake for five hours straight!) But that was a disaster because my store trip messed up the timing of dinner; husband was working even later than usual; baby had trouble settling because overtired; toddler and dog interrupted bedtime by marching into the nursery right when baby had just fallen asleep, which re-started the whole process; kicked toddler and dog out; toddler crawled onto kitchen counter to find snack; yelled until I came to help him down; baby now fully awake- you get the idea.

And now it's 10 pm. Both kids (and the dog) are fed, in bed, and asleep. The house is still standing, the world is still turning. So I write this as a reminder to myself and all other mommy readers struggling through a rough day. You WILL survive. 

At least I made a very healthy, delicious supper that both toddler and husband loved. It's one of my favourite fall/winter soups. It freezes well and the hardest part is the chopping. So here it is, as found in and issue of 'Fine Cooking' by Ellie Krieger:

Autumn Vegetable Soup
Can be refrigerated for 3 days (I've done up to 7 days), and freezes up to 2 months.
Feel free to substitute other fall vegetables or beans.
(Takes me about 10 minutes focused chopping, plus cooking of 25 minutes = 35 mins total
Allow extra time if children afoot.)
Yields about 8 cups; serves 6 to 8 as a starter
(with my husband's eating it feeds our family of three as the main dish twice)

2 Tbs     olive oil
3            medium carrots, cut into medium dice
1            large yellow onion, cut into medium dice
2            medium cloves garlic, minced
2 Cups   peeled butternut squash, 1/2 inch cubed (about half a 2 lb squash, I often add the whole thing)
1/4 tsp    ground allspice (I add a bit extra, this is my favourite part when the smell hugs my nose)
pinch     cayenne pepper
1 qt        lower salt chicken broth (= 4 cups)
1 can      no salt added diced tomatoes
4 sprigs  fresh thyme (I find a few dashes of ground thyme gives bigger punch)
2 Cups   lightly packed, coarsely chopped kale (I add more, about 2 small bunches of kale)
1 Cup    lower salt canned chickpeas

Heat the oil in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. 
Add the carrots and onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until the begin to soften, about 6 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 2 min more.
Add the squash, allspice, cayenne, and 1 tsp salt and stir to combine.
Add the broth, tomatoes with their juice, and thyme. 
Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to medium, cover, and simmer for 10 mins.
Add the kale and the chickpeas and cook uncovered until the squash is tender and the kale has wilted, about 10 mins more.
Discard the thyme springs before serving.
Season to taste with more salt and cayenne.

Acceptance = Success

Recently I realized that a huge part of success in motherhood is acceptance. Acceptance of your children, your spouse, and yourself.

I've mentioned before that my first son was a horrible sleeper, in fact he didn't sleep through the night until almost two years old. Yet I think my biggest mistake was resisting who he was, and what he needed at that time. (He is now a fantastic sleeper, and extremely easy to put to bed anywhere, but he's still a light sleeper. My husband keeps falling asleep while putting him to bed and if I go to wake my husband up, it's our son who wakes first, even if it's my husband's leg that I'm shaking). Instead I listened to the hum around me suggesting that it was my fault that he wasn't sleeping 12 hour stretches by 6 months, that there was some disobedient flaw in him for resisting my sleep schedule desires, and this must be fixed as soon as possible to avoid permanent repercussions. It wasn't until I accepted the way things were and relaxed that he began settling better at night.

Admittedly, I am probably one of the worst at rebelling against reality. I'm forever trying to improve things, fix them, make them better. I end up being the classic, miss-the-present type of person far too often. But I also stop for impromptu dance parties, and make plans on the fly (I still like a plan though, even if the plan is "we have no plan"). This is something I recently had to accept about myself because I found it was keeping me from reaching out to others. I assumed they were well-planned, or that they would feel put on the spot by my last minute invitation. So I made a couple phone calls asking if anyone was free to go to the event at the mall that I happened to see in the paper that morning. One friend was able to make it, and we had a great morning with the kids. It's grown our friendship and further encouraged one between our sons.

Accepting my husband's busy work schedule is maybe the most difficult for me. He owns a seasonal business so he works long hours and is exhausted when he gets home (see above: falling asleep with our two year old). But a good aspect is that he is a hard worker, a character trait we want our children to learn. And I know despite his absence this is his way of loving us. He only works this hard so provide for us, and care for his family. It's still hard juggling two bedtime schedules most nights, and can be sad to put effort into a supper that is cajoled into a toddler, hurried into my own mouth, and eaten cold or re-heated by him. When our baby rarely even sees him during the week I expect a bit of making strange to happen, further attaching the baby to me. But I'm trying, and accepting that this is what it is has helped.

Prayer has also helped. God promises to keep helping develop the good in us. (Philippians 1:6) God wants the best for us and our families. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and it actually works. I promise that if you ask God to help you accept yourself, your life and family for who they are - He will. I'm so thankful we don't have to do this alone.

God has given us beautiful life, in a beautiful world, and we are blessed to be parents, spouses, daughters, sisters, etc. Let's take His love and let it surround everything. Take a deep breath, remember all the good things about your current state in life, and let it out. Let the good cover the not so good parts, and we'll all make it through this together.

New Life in Old Skin

Day Four - Oops, I've already skipped and it was only Day Three, maybe not a very good sign. Alas I am not bothered because I am choosing to embrace the wise old saying, "I y'am what I y'am."

I once read a book that described a older woman who was asked by a genie of sorts what age she would be if she could pick any age at all, and she picked 30. Her reasoning was that she was young enough to have a full, active life ahead but old enough to be wise, comfortable and confident in her own skin. At least I think I read it in a book, I can't remember the book, so it's possible I dreamed this all myself. Either way it's stuck with me over the years and I anticipated 30 as my coming into my own. 

Then thirty came. And went. And I was still struggling with familiar insecurities, fears, worries and regrets. But maybe thirty was the beginning of a new stage in the process. 

In the past two, almost three, years I have grown more confident, more bold, more willing to take risks (the important kind, not the young-hearted I'm-invincible-let's-go-skydiving kind). I've been challenging myself to stop waiting for the perfect opportunities, and start making "good-enough" ones. Like making play dates with moms I don't know that well; making more concrete designs to start some sort of handmade art business (that's not vague and open-ended and unknown at all - ha. ha.), and even writing a blog. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, it just matters that I'm putting myself out there by writing it. It reminds me that I have a life worth sharing with others. 

Of course this is something I have believed intellectually for years, but I have allowed myself to be bullied by those negative gutter-dwelling thoughts. Those lies that do not come from my Creator. God made me Himself. Each passion, each good part, even the ones that the current culture and I think are less than perfect. So I've been daring myself to trust Him as the protector of my dreams, my heart, my life. As I let go of control, I seem to be finding the way back to myself; back to who I always was. Someone who laughs easily; who extends a hand in friendship just in case it may be returned; who draws and creates because she loves to; and who loves deeply, soft-heartedly. This is someone I could get used to. 

I'm really going to enjoy being me.

(And yes, I actually like spinach.)

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

One Day Two Day Tomorrow's a New Day

Well, here I am trying to make good on my self-promise to blog everyday. (I know all my faithful followers are grateful - all one of you, who is myself only because I didn't know that's what I was doing - ha ha)

Day two and it's not easy, even with the understanding that it need not be Pulitzer worthy. I'm  surrounded by laundry to put away, and sleep desperately needed. At least my back happens to be hiding the untidy kitchen from view.

Today's realizations are that I should probably write in the morning when the day is fresh and full of positive potential. Not at the end when I can ruminate on all the mistakes I made. Although my sister and I nic-named me Eeyore in high school, I prefer to pass on a positive energy to the world at large.

And so, this will be short as I head to bed, praying that the baby who has fought sleep tonight, and already cried out twice (teething?), will sleep soundly; that I will not be haunted again by nightmares of being held prisoner by Honey Boo Boo's mother; and hope that tomorrow my mind will be sunny again.

I leave you with something I pray over my children each night:

"May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you."

Sweet dreams

What is a blog?

Apparently blogging isn't like writing English essays, but more like a really long tweet. I couldn't understand how other people (especially moms) had time to blog on a daily basis. Then I started reading other blogs. 

I was feeling such pressure to produce literary masterpieces instead of simply sharing my thoughts but I've found blogs that say, "hey check out my other blog", or ones that are barely five sentences long. I think I can handle that (if the kids cooperate).

So today begins my attempt at writing a daily blog, or an almost daily one. They won't always be brimming over with wisdom, wit or charm. They will be honest and hopefully every once in awhile there will be something you can take away to benefit your day. Maybe a book resource, a tip, a healthy recipe, or maybe a sense of comraderie from another mom who is just trying to survive the day.

But hopefully we'll all find ways to not just survive, but actually thrive. I believe this mom role is an opportunity to grow into the person we want to be, the person God created us to be. So let's stick together and we'll make it through even better than when we started. 

Today's tip: Read 'Mom Connection' by Tracey Bianchi

I'm almost halfway through it and it's already given me moments of peace, reassurance and encouragement.

I want more?

My husband and I currently have two children and somedays I feel like I'm literally, mentally losing it because the of the responsibility; other days.... I actually want more.

In any conversation we've had my husband only wants two. I often dream of at least three kids, but I'm a realist (to a fault) and I recognize that it's wise to see how we handle life with two first. Refer to above and you see that some days I don't handle it well at all. My husband handles them great, but he usually has them in small doses, and on the fun days. The other day I left him alone with our 2 1/2 year old with instructions to get our garden ready for winter. Nothing too complex, just move a couple plants already excavated, plant a few bulbs and add some dirt and mulch. I took the baby to IKEA to pick up some organizing supplies and a storage shelf for my sister (yes, I'm crazy but another blog for that). An hour or so after I left I got the phone call. "Where are you? I can't do this." I reassured him he could, went over the garden instructions again, and promised to be home soon. When I got finally arrived there (consider Saturday check out lines) the garden wasn't done, and the house was pretty messy. I was trying not to be annoyed and then his greeting came, "I don't know how you do it. He's a lot of work." By work he means that our son is two and a half, physically energetic and talks non-stop (I thought kids were supposed to be one or the other?). This was a nice affirmation for me but something to consider if we try to add more kids to the mix. My husband also owns his own company that is a seasonal business which means long unpredictable hours, and fluctuating income. This means I often make supper, eat supper, do baths and bedtimes solo. We love animals, so we have a dog and a cat. This means vet appointments, pet food that doesn't come from the grocery store, nail cutting for the dog, and walks plus runs for the dog. On top of all that my husband is a musician, and I'm an visual artist, meaning our hobbies take time and space (and mine usually get none). And did I mention that at 32 years old I have ruptured a disc in my spine twice so my pain level occasionally makes for a short temper? And yet, when I snuggle my six month old into my chest, I think, "I want more."

He comes from a family of two. I come from a family of five. So I'm used to a house full of people, yet I often enjoy silence and he turns on the radio or tv in every room he's in. My husband is part introvert, part extrovert, but he doesn't like to talk much. I'm more introverted meaning I need time by myself to recharge. A difficult task with children under five. Yet I look at the board that has our two sons infant footprints and there is space for a third set. Coincidence it's true, it just happened to be the length of board that I grabbed for our first, then never trimmed shorter. So I kinda want more.

There are those days where everything seems to go wrong. The coffee grinds spill all over. The juice gets shaken with the lid not quite shut. The kids are whiny and cranky, and were tag teaming to keep me up all night. I can feel a virus of some sort hovering underground. The dog has eaten another shoe. Then 4 pm hits, and every mother knows what that means. Yet even in that chaos, usually there is at least one shining moment to help maintain balance. Sometimes you have to look for it but it's there whether you want more kids or not. Maybe its that sweet kiss for no reason, or the huge belly laugh, or the sense of humour that makes you look the other way when enforcing a timeout. Or it's those big, bright eyes waiting to see all that life has to offer, and I think, maybe I want more.

The thing that gets me the most, is the family photos. I love the pictures with enough people for at least one baseball team. I envy those ones with four or more teenagers (maybe because they're all potty-trained and independent sleepers). They definitely make me want more.

It won't be a decision made lightly, and it has to be because we want it for us, not because we like what someone else has. We would have to decide if I would go back to work for more money with more mouths to feed, or stay home to run the house. It would mean agreeing to endure my period of emotional, and mental instability during the infant stage (at least). We'd have to consider that things would be tighter money-wise so perhaps no annual family trips to Belize (ha ha), and only one extra curricular each. But maybe that's not what's important anyway.

Time will tell I suppose. I'm not setting up any gift registry soon (though I'm pretty sure that's only allowed for one's firstborn anyway), but I'm not giving away the baby clothes either. Our youngest is only six months, so this could be sleep deprivation talking, but yeah, maybe, I think, possibly I might want more.

Sanity or Sleep?

My goal this week is to be in bed by 9 pm. So far it's Tuesday night at 11 pm and instead of sleeping I'm blogging. (At least I'm meeting my goal to blog more often.) I'm a mother of two under three with a self-employed husband who owns a pool installation company and it's the middle of July. No, I'm not crazy, but I am so tired that I have fallen asleep before hitting "Send" on more than a few texts. 


(Once I fell asleep with my thumb on the screen so long that it went into rearrange and delete mode. I rearranged some icons but I'm not sure if I deleted any. (How should I know, I was asleep!) So tired my memory has gaps in it of recent events. So tired that my husband had an entire conversation with me about going to the store to look at flooring that I was asleep for. I don't even talk in my sleep, but I woke up a little annoyed he had gone without me since he knew I wanted to be there for the colour choice. Good thing I remembered to believe the best in him and not get angry.) 


All this brings me to the question how does a mother get more sleep without hiring a nanny? 


We can't afford a nanny. We can't even afford a dog walker. Like most people we have to do things ourselves, including sleep. Tonight I had to choose between sleep and sanity. My living/dining room has been a disaster for weeks, and worsened on the weekend. Many people will say disaster when they really mean a few dishes were left on the coffee table and a pair of shoes on the floor, but I mean disaster. Half of the furniture was strewn about the middle of the room. Boxes of the kitchen junk drawer (emptied over a month ago so I could sort it) and several dining table clearing sweeps sit on the couch. Toys are everywhere, the front entryway consists of a couple pieces of 1/4" plywood that is not screwed down, and there is drywall dust, sand, dog fur all over the floor. Hopefully you're getting the awful picture because I didn't take one. Instead I tidied and swept, tidied and swept, moved furniture then swept some more (labs shed a lot). 


Some of you may be wondering how I am physically able to do this when I've been on the couch for the past 9 weeks with a bad sciatica flare up. I'm so happy to say I'm walking again! Looking after my own kids again, even loading my own dishwasher! More on all that another time. Back to me hard at work.


Did I mention it's been the hottest day of the year so far? So here I am sweating and probably pushing my weakened, and still not completely better, muscles too far; definitely missing out on desperately needed sleep (see above), and what did I end up with? A room I can breath and relax in. It still has far to go (hopefully we'll get that floor in this weekend) but there are actually clean and clear spaces in it!


Yes I will be even more tired tomorrow - perhaps I should leave the operating of vehicles and heavy machinery to others - and yet I feel good. My body is sore but my mind is clear. And now my eyelids are heavy. Thankfully there is the morning shower and hot, black coffee. Too bad I don't have a chef or housekeeper either.

Only a Season

(December 2011) So I haven't written in a while. It's been the Christmas season which, is of course rather busy but that's the way I like it. Lots of family, friends and food. And for me, being pregnant at Christmas gives me extra excitement, though I'm not sure why. Maybe I relate to Mary a bit more, feel more connected to the reason we celebrate. This season is full of joy, yet lately I've been feeling completely overwhelmed by life.


Don't misunderstand me, I love my family and many aspects of my life. I'm happy to have pets and kids and an artsy, intelligent, blue-collar husband who owns a small business with a little house, a baby on the way and some part-time work to stimulate my non-mom brain cells. But as any mother knows just because life is good doesn't mean it's easy. (And yes I said "mother". It's true there are some fathers who are very involved, but the majority of household responsibilities tends to fall on the mothers. Not because the fathers care less, it's just how we're wired. Generally speaking women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by their work.- Perhaps I'll write more on that later.) So I'm facing the question, "How do I find/create the life balance that works for us?"


Although I love formulas, I don't believe they apply to the majority of real life situations. Jane and Michael down the street may be happiest if they both get regular gym time, work full-time and use babysitters regularly to keep up a lively social life. While David and Sally prefer the 50s style of David working full-time but being home by 5 and Sally running the house. Each family is unique, so what works for us?


Usually I start with a list. (I love lists!) What are the components we need:
- family time
- couple time
- personal time
- exercise
- hobbies/ side jobs (music & art)
- dog walking
- house cleaning
- meal prep
- groceries.
...
At this point I start to get bored. My mind begins to wander and my heart becomes overwhelmed. How do we fit all this in? Then I remember, my husband doesn't like formulas, so he'll have a hard time following any that I come up with anyway. Plus, I'm not comfortable with a dictator role in our marriage, and chances are that once I figure out something that works life will change again. Thus I'm trying to embrace my inner free-spirit (it's in here somewhere) and go with the flow. Establish priorities then set some boundaries on the items that end up at the bottom of the list, and remember that everything in life is only for a season. So I'm trying to enjoy what I can from each moment.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;


a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a timet to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."


Ecclesiastes 3:3-8 NIV

Life Beyond One

(written fall 2011) Lately I've been thinking about what life might be like if we had more than one child, and the concluding thought is I'm not so sure I could handle it. Oh sure, I would manage somehow, I would "survive", so would the children (and hopefully the husband) but I would rather figure out a way to "thrive".

I don't want to give in to my natural hermit tendency or make myself crazy trying to live up to someone else's schedule. As I've mentioned before, it took me awhile to adjust to motherhood. Even though I enjoy being Griffin's mom, I imagine I will still need time to adjust to being mom of Griffin plus one.

To top off these fears, I was officially a "bad parent" today and I lost my child. It was at a church potluck and I was there sans husband. I am not yet co-ordinated enough to simultaneously hold a toddler and gather a plate of food, nor did I have duct tape or bungee cords to strap him down in one spot with. So I used my hands to get the food and my eyes to watch my son. Of course it's difficult to get food from various pots with various serving utensils without looking at my plate from time to time. And being a toddler (although a more accurate name would be runner, since the actual toddling phase is quite short-lived) Griffin does not stay in one spot for very long. At first he amused himself nearby, but quickly bored of that and bounced his way towards the far end of the room. I managed to keep an eye on his little legs between the many people filling the room until one point, I think it was the caesar salad, when I could no longer see his almost bald head, or little blue crocs. Knowing that he had two hallways, three sets of doors and one set of stairs to maneuver before he reached the parking lot I thought I had time to grab a spoonful from the last few selections. Apparently he can run a lot faster than I realized because in what felt like seconds the Sunday School attendance taker had found him, outside, alone, and brought him back to me. I felt like I should go home right then to sit in my room and think about what I'd just done. Fortunately nothing bad happened, and those who had seen my error were nice about it, but I just wonder how I would manage if I had two to worry about.

My sister and her husband joke (half-joke) that two kids were easy but with three you are out-numbered, even when both parents are present there are only two of you and three of them. Then there is my granna who apparently quipped, "One child takes up all your time so how much more time can 5 take up?" I'm not the type who makes decisions before I get 'there' (and much to my husband's frustration, if I'm in the drive-thru even when I do get there I still don't make a decision) so I'm not going to decide right now, how many kids our family will have. Maybe we'll wait to see if we can survive two first.

From Frustrated to Thankful

For the past 4 weeks I’ve been laid up on various couches because of a flare up of severe sciatica. Many of you mothers will understand because you have experienced a variation of this condition during pregnancy. Five years ago I suffered a work related injury that ruptured one of the lower discs in my back, bulged another and pinched my left sciatic nerve. Some people are able to tough it out and their body adjusts. I was not one of those people. I did keep working for 11 months with the pain getting worse and worse until finally, I could no longer force a smile to the customers. It was another three months before I had surgery.

The surgery was like a miracle. I hobbled in as a model-thin drugged out invalid, and literally walked out pain and drug free. (Although going cold turkey off opiods made for some not-so-fun withdrawal.)

WSIB labeled it a 30% permanent loss of normal function due to the nerve damage. It took another 5/6 months before I started back to work. Since then I have been blessed to thrive with returning to my regular activities and no serious flare-ups, even with two pregnancies and deliveries, until now. Well until four weeks ago.

With a two year old, an eight month old and a husband who is self-employed in a seasonal line of work (of course, this happens to be high season), I need help, from when my two year old wakes until he goes to sleep.

It really is humbling to have so many people helping out. Our family and friends have been amazing. In times like these I am also reminded how wonderful it is to be part of a loving church community. The number of helping hands and caring hearts multiplies exponentially. Yet anyone who has required care for an extended period of time knows that as wonderful as it is, and as grateful as you are, it begins to wear on you. Mostly it’s jealousy that they get to play with your kids, but it’s also putting away their clothes and making nutritious meals. I'm even getting jealous of others cleaning the toilets and mowing the lawn! Everyone has a different way of doing things, each with their own priorities and preferences, and each with a unique intuition as to where things get put away in the kitchen, and not always the same way I would do things.

So today after starting to get frustrated again at the state of my house, I decided to flip it to the positive. Instead of focusing on what I would have done differently since someone else did it “wrong” (though I realize it isn’t wrong just different that my way) I used it to realize that I AM good at keeping my house running smoothly.

I’ve always struggled with this. In fact I’ve struggled with confidence in my self in areas like this for awhile. I am not a take charge person, or good at delegation. I take it all on, then complain when it’s too much, then I get some help and I complain (in my head with others, unfortunately often out loud to my husband) that it’s not done to my particular taste. For instance I hate a dirty kitchen. Hate it. And I’m currently limiting m use of that word because it’s really so strong and often misused. But here, it fits. I hate a dirty kitchen, or a dirty toilet. I dislike toys being left around, and things not being put away. I am mildly disgusted when our house, furniture or linens smell like dog. I clean while I cook. I tidy in between activities and before bedtime. I clean toilets as needed, whether that’s everyday or once a week. I sweep daily, sometimes twice a day. And I’m forever trying new techniques to help efficify (to make more efficient) my groceries to meals process. 

In the end I guess I’d like to say thank you again to everyone for your help. Thank you for helping me when I am unable to look after my own family. I appreciate it so much. Thank you for reminding me the honour it is to be given such a task, by leaving me jealous that I’m not the one doing it. And thank you for giving me confidence that when I’m on my feet again, I can take pride in my work not just because a mother’s job is an admirable one, but because I do it well. I don’t do it the same as everyone else, and I’m not saying I do it better, just that for my family, I do a good job.